How Pippin Took Over The World
by Pip the Dark Lord of All
Summary: This is the epic tale to go with my username, in which Pippin turns evil and takes over Middle-Earth for unlimited mushrooms. This story is fabulously random, but majestically funny.
1. Chapter 1

I know I need to update my other stories, and I will soon! :D But I finally got inspired to write a story for my username and...yeah. This is it. Warning: This is really, really random. Read at your own risk. I am not responsible for any brain damage this may cause.

* * *

"I just want to have a look at it!" whispered Pippin, placing the Palintir on the floor. Merry watched in terrified astonishment. Pippin placed his hands onto it...

Sauron appeared, one gigantic eye filling the palintir. "I...see...you..." he growled dramatically. Pippin struggled, but could not let go. Suddenly Pippin heard a deep voice in the background.

"Master, you are not doing this right! Let me try!"

"Very well." agreed Sauron.

The newcomer wore a black helmet, and stretched out his arm to Pippin. "Come join me on the Dark Side!" he shouted. "We have mushrooms!"

Pippin stopped struggling and listened. "Mushrooms?"

"Unlimited mushrooms, as many as you can eat!"

Pippin looked amazed. "But that's not possible!"

"You do not know the power of the Dark Side! Join me, and we shall rule the galaxy together!"

"What's a galaxy?"

"Never mind about that. Will you join me?"

"Yes! Anything for mushrooms!" At that moment, Gandalf knocked the palintir out of Pippin's hands. Pippin pretended to lay unconscious on the floor, but watched them through slits of his eyes. Merry ran over to him.

"Pippin!"

Gandalf roughly shoved him away, and bent over Pippin. When he opened his eyes, Gandalf asked him what he had seen.

A maniacal grin spread over Pippin's face. "Mushrooms!"

Merry ran over. "Mushrooms?"

"Mine!" shrieked Pippin. "My own!"

"I get some!" yelled Merry.

"Peregrin Took!" shouted Gandalf. "What else did you see?"

"My precioussss..." hissed Pippin.

Everyone looked disturbed. Pippin leapt to his feet, threw them all against the wall with the force, and ran out.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

He arrived in Mordor within that week, and entered Sauron's office. Gothmog was at the desk. "Who are you?" he asked. "Name, rank! Why do you wish an audience with Sauron?"

Pippin stared at him with a creepy gleam in his eyes. "Mushrooms..." he hissed creepily and dramatically.

Gothmog scratched his head. "I don't understand..."

"Of course you don't!" growled Pippin. "You will allow me to see Sauron." he said, making a small motion with his hand.

Gothmog grinned stupidly. "I will allow you to see Sauron."

"Weak-minded fool." muttered Pippin as he entered.

In his office, Sauron was watching Caption America with Darth Vader. Pippin walked over and tapped Vader on the shoulder. Vader turned around.

"Where are the mushrooms?" demanded Pippin. Darth Vader simply made dramatic breathing noises. "WHERE ARE THEY!" he screamed. Sauron rose. "Keep calm, I have a small assignment for you, my new apprentice, to prove your worth. Then you can have the mushrooms."

"What is this...assignment?" asked Pippin.

"You must find Frodo and bring me the Ring." answered Sauron.

"Sure thing!" Pippin left, thinking of mushrooms.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

A few days later, Frodo and Sam had just left Faramir, and we're heading for Cirth Ungol. They had stopped for lunch when Pippin jumped out of the bushes. Frodo and Sam stared, for Pippin was dressed in a black cloak and there was something very disturbing about the way he was looking at them.

"Uhhh...Pippin?" asked Sam hesitantly.

Pippin ignored him and stomped over to Frodo. "You will give me the Ring." he said, waving his hand.

Frodo smiled. "I will give you the Ring."

Sam gasped in horror. "No, master, you can't!"

Pippin sighed and waved his hand again. "Yes, he can."

"Yes, you can." Sam sat down and looked content. Suddenly Gollum leapt out of the bushes. "MASSSSTERR! WICKED! TRICKSY! FALSE!" he screamed, hanging off Pippin's leg. "PRRRREEEECCCIIOOUUUSSSSS!" he wailed. Pippin glowered at him. "Your master is kind and true." he said, beginning to tire of waving his hand. Gollum jumped over and stroked Frodo. "Nice masssster..." he hissed. Frodo pulled out the Ring and handed it to Pippin, who left.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Pippin arrived back at Sauron's office. Gothmog was on the phone with Elrond and didn't even notice as Pippin went by. Pippin approached Sauron. "The mission is complete!" he said. "But I do not choose to do this thing! The Ring is mine!" Sauron gasped as Pippin disappeared. Darth Vader entered the room. "I will do what I must." he announced, drawing his lightsaber. Pippin flicked his hand, and the lightsaber flew into it.

"My powers are far beyond both of you!" he shouted. "I have the powers of a Sith, and the Ring! All shall see me and despair, because I have all the mushrooms!"

"But Pippin!" shouted Darth Vader.

"What?" growled Pippin, getting impatient.

*breathing*

"Well?!"

"I am your father!"

"Really? Well, you can stay as my lieutenant!"

*breathing*

"As for you..." he pointed at Sauron..."get thee gone, and take thy due place!"

Sauron slunk out of Barad-Dur.

With that, he settled down to eat mushrooms.

* * *

Reviews are mushrooms. Remember that story was about me. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

This was originally going to be a one-shot, but this came to mind and I just had to write it...XD Yes, I am completely crazy.

* * *

Aragorn, Gandalf, Legolas, Merry and Eomer rode up to the Black Gate, which was now adorned with a gigantic stone mushroom. Aragorn looked about for a few moments in silence, wondering what in Arda had come over Sauron.

"Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon him!" he finally shouted.

There was an uneasy pause. Then the gates opened with a creak, and Darth Vader rode out on a tauntaun. He looked at all of them in turn, making dramatic breathing sounds. Finally he spoke. "My master, Pippin the Great, bids thee welcome."

Aragorn made a disgusted face. Vader continued. "Is there any in this rout with authority to eat mushrooms with him?"

Gandalf answered angrily. "We do not come to eat mushrooms with Pippin, faithless and accursed. Tell your master...wait. Wait! Pippin? Mushrooms? Isn't your master Sauron?"

Vader smiled, but it was irrelevant since no one could see it anyway. "Ahh, old greybeard. Pippin conquered Sauron with ease. He was a weak fool. I only serve Pippin, the Master of all mushrooms!"

Suddenly Frodo, Sam and Gollum ran up to the group. "Frodo!" cried Aragorn, his face full of hope. "What has happened? Did you succeed?"

Frodo grinned nonchalantly. "I gave the Ring to Pippin."

Gandalf almost fell off Shadowfax. "Whaaat?!"

Sam looked annoyed at the disturbance. "Sure, why not?"

Gandalf facepalmed. "Fool of a Baggins!"

Frodo shrugged. "What did I do?"

"You...you..."

"What? Seriously, Gandalf, why does it matter?"

Gandalf had no words, but have Frodo a death glare.

Gollum stroked Frodo's foot with a gentle caress. "Kind masssster, kind...nice...oh how sweet a massssster!" Frodo was really beginning to wonder why Gollum loved him so much after he had given the Ring away.

Gandalf turned back to Vader. "I understand now. Will Pippin come forth?"

Vader laughed. "Of course he will not. Unless you bring mushrooms."

Without a word, Gandalf turned and the party turned around and galloped back to their army.

"Free tasty mushrooms for any man who joins Pippin!" shouted Vader. Some of the men looked like they were thinking about leaving. As he galloped back, Aragorn shouted a dramatic speech...

"Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your eyes the same mushrooms that would take the heart of me! A day may come, when the courage of men fails, when we eat mushrooms without limit and break all bonds of self-control, but it is not this day! An hour of deep-fryers, and breaded mushrooms, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"

One of the soldiers looked slightly confused. "Sir, we are standing. Why did you tell us to stand? Do you think we are going to sit down?"

Aragorn didn't know what to say. The soldier continued. "Those mushrooms you were talking about sound pretty good! I think I'll go get some!" The others nodded their agreement, for the speech had made them quite hungry. Aragorn watched in dismay as the whole army left for Mordor.

Aragorn walked over to Merry. "Pippin trusts you. At least he did. You should go in there, pretend to join him, and then if you get the chance steal the Ring." Merry nodded his agreement.

* * *

I shall write more...if I get reviews. :D All ideas are welcome...I really have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this, I'm just like randomly writing as weird ideas come to mind.


	3. Chapter 3

To everyone who reviewed, thank you so very much! :D Now for the next insane installment...XD

* * *

Pippin was busy eating mushrooms, as usual, when Gothmog informed him there was someone to see him. Pippin motioned for him to come in. Merry entered the room. Pippin leapt to his feet and glared at him.

"Pippin!" shouted Merry, hoping he seemed mostly normal.

"What?" asked Pippin. "Have you come to join me?"

"Well", said Merry hesitantly. "There was a rumor...well...but it couldn't possibly be true!"

"What is this rumor?"

"I heard talk that you had joined Sauron for unlimited mushrooms! If that is the case, I'm with you!" Merry hoped he sounded sincere.

"I did not join Sauron." laughed Pippin. "I conquered him! I am the Dark Lord now! And, I do have unlimited mushrooms! I forced the orcs to make Mordor a mushroom farm."

"A orc-run mushroom farm!" gasped Merry is surprise.

"They are not very good farmers." complained Pippin. "Perhaps you could be their overseer."

"What? Me? No! Pippin, everyone knows, the Gamgees are the farmers, we're the troublemakers!"

"Are you going to join me, Merry?" asked Pippin seriously.

Suddenly Darth Vader randomly popped out from under the table. "Come join us on the Dark Side!" he shouted, just like he had done to Pippin. "We have..."

"Yes, mushrooms, I know!" interrupted Merry. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Oh, don't mind him." said Pippin. "He's my father."

Merry made the O_O face.

"I am Paladin Took." announced Vader. "I joined Sauron when you all left the Shire."

Merry looked completely disbelieving. Pippin grinned. "We shall rule Middle-Earth as father and son! He's my lieutenant. You, Merry, can be my Mushroom-Overseer!"

Merry's face seemed unable to do anything but O_O. Pippin smiled creepily. He had such an overwhelming presence. Merry was looking around, desperately hoping to see the Ring. Finally he spotted it, on Pippin's finger! How was Pippin visible?

"Umm, Pippin?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, my new apprentice?"

Merry decided to ignore that for now. "Isn't that Sauron's Ring you're wearing?"

A expression of deep anger flashed over Pippin's face. "What's it to you?"

"How can I see you?"

Pippin shrugged. "I made myself visible with the force."

Merry was now quite terrified. He had heard of such things, but had always regarded them as legend, nothing more. He looked at Pippin with hate. How could he have done this? He had betrayed them all. Pippin's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Good, good. Let the hate flow through you."

Merry started. How had Pippin known?

Pippin handed him a lightsaber. "Use this to control the orcs. Now, go attend to your duties as Mushroom-Overseer."

Merry grasped the lightsaber with trembling hands. He did not even know what it was.

Pippin cackled evily. "Tomorrow your training will begin, my young apprentice."

"Hey!" shouted Merry. "I'm older than you!"

Pippin spun towards him faster than sight. "Do not cross me, foolish one."

Merry bowed in terror. "Yes, my master."

* * *

I actually have thought out a plot for this! *grins proudly* well, mostly. Review Puuuullllllleeeessseeeee?!


	4. Chapter 4

**Sixty-Four K: Yes, Merry is in a terrible mess all right. XD I'm sure Sauron was using the force as well! :P**

**ccgaylord: XD LOL I'm sure that they do.**

**NirCele: MWAHAHAHA! Your sanity is lost. You will never get it back. I'm sure this chapter will make that certain. As for Darth Vader being under that table, well...he was secretly eating pizza! Yes, that is the answer.**

**Electra Elentari: I'm glad Pippin's evil too! ;)**

**Thalion Estel: Thanks! Will Merry fall for it even further? Read on and see...**

**Guest: Lol! That was a hilarious review. Thanks! :D**

**Just a Reviewer: Lol. That also was a funny review. :D**

**lovethelordoftherings: Good! That's what I was trying to do to my readers! ;)**

* * *

Merry overlooked the hordes of gardening orcs in despair. Mushroom-Overseer, indeed! He would rather die. That was not why he had come. Carefully he drew the lightsaber Pippin had given him and ignited it. It was blood red in color. He slowly swung it around, trying to get used to the strange weapon, as he would probably need to use it.

One of the orcs approached with a basket of mushrooms. "I hear you are the new Mushroom-Overseer." it snarled. "Where shall we put these extra ones?"

Merry twirled the lightsaber menacingly. "I would cut off your head, orc, if it stood but a little further from those mushrooms."

The orc growled angrily and attacked him. A fierce battle ensued, which ended when Merry slew the orc with his lightsaber. "All too easy." he muttered.

"That's my line." said a deep voice behind him. Darth Vader had been watching the fight. "One does not simply steal my quotes. You will die for this." He drew his lightsaber.

Merry laughed at him, even though he was petrified with fear. "Not with ten thousand Sith could you do this!" he shouted. "It is folly."

Pippin strode into the scene. "Have you heard nothing Lord Vader has said? You must be destroyed!"

Merry grimaced. "And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!"

"I do think that." said Pippin in a creepy tone. "You have killed one of my Mushroom-Orcs, and stole my father's quote. You are right. We cannot use him."

"Then we only have one choice." said Vader. "He must be destroyed."

"Then what are we waiting for?" shouted Pippin, and leapt towards Merry, lightsaber drawn.

"Wait!" yelled Merry. Pippin stopped, and looked at him expectantly. Merry looked at him nervously. "You are making a terrible mistake. I will join you."

Pippin glared at him, unbelieving. Merry knelt before him. "You are much more powerful than I!" he whispered. "I swear to serve you, my master." Pippin said nothing. After a few minutes of silence, Merry spoke up again. "What say you?"

Finally Pippin handed him back his lightsaber. "Get on with your duties."

Merry moaned dramatically. "But overseeing farming orcs is booooring! I want to learn the ways of the force."

Pippin considered it. He could train Merry, but if he was only taking to be on his side...he would kill him. It really was that simple. For he was so powerful he could destroy all of Middle-Earth, if he desired it so. "Come with me. And do not try any tricks again. Resistance is futile."

Merry bowed. "Yes, my master." He followed Pippin back to Barad-Dur, where his training would begin.

* * *

Review or I will face you alone with my lightsaber. *draws lightsaber and points it at you*


	5. Chapter 5

**NicCele: Yes I heard that! DEEAATTHH! Never mind, you're no use to me dead, I need to to review! ;)**

**ccgaylord: Thanks! :)**

**Just a Reviewer: You're not to young to die! *prepares to slay you* Wait, I need you to to review! You may live.**

**Don't. Know. Myself: New reviewer! Yay! Thank you so much! **

**Electra Elentari: Thank you! :D**

**freefornow: Maybe...we shall see, my precioussss, oh yes, we shall see.**

**Guest: O_O Now that was a review! XD LOL I LOVED IT! Thank you! The Doctor randomly appearing and stopping us from killing each other...HAHAHA**

**Thalion Estel: Thank you! :)**

**Sixty four K: I don't think Merry is weak either. I mean he did attack the Witch-King!**

In case anyone's wondering, I will update The Lord of the Braces soon...I've been having trouble with my kindle. It keeps doing weird things when I try to type. Ugh.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gandalf was getting impatient. Surely Merry would have tried to take the Ring by now. He must be dead, Gandalf thought grimly. He sighed and turned to Aragorn. "I think we have given Merry enough time. We should go ahead with plan B."

Aragorn nodded. "Is he here?"

"He should arrive any moment now."

Suddenly they heard loud party music playing, and the sides of their tent sparkled with flashing lights. Legolas' head poked into the tent. "He is here." Gandalf and Aragorn rose and went outside.

Thranduil, atop his elk, was dancing to wild party music while around one hundred other elves danced around singing wildly. Aragorn facepalmed. Gandalf strode over to Thranduil.

"Thranduil!"

Thranduil flipped his hair fabulously, and slowly turned to look down at Gandalf. "Yes?"

"Will you go through with our plan?"

"Of course." He tossed Gandalf a bottle of Dorwinion, and went back to partying. Legolas leapt on top of Brego and tried to dance fabulously. Brego bucked him off and he fell into a pot of stew. Thranduil sighed. His son really had trouble being fabulous. Aragorn looked at Gandalf doubtfully. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I am sure it will work. Besides, do you have any other ideas?"

Suddenly they heard an angry shout. "Elf! What do you think you are doing?"

Thranduil glared at the newcomer. "What are you doing here? I heard you had died."

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." announced Thorin, striding over to Thranduil majestically as he pulled up his shirt to reveal a shiny silver coat. "Mithril!"

Thranduil raised one of his eyebrows fabulously. "You are not as majestic as you think. Even my steed has more majesty." He stroked his elk.

Thorin glared. "I will not be out-majesticed by a moose!"

"Elk."

"Moose!"

"If you are as majestic as you say, why did Gandalf not pick you for this epic quest?"

"What quest?" asked Thorin. "Do not speak to me of epic quests! I lead the epic quest to retake Erebor!"

"Gandalf has asked me to storm Mordor with my party elves. I shall easily overtake Pippin and Middle-Earth shall be free again."

Thorin laughed. "That will never work. If your people cannot slay a dragon, how will they conquer a Dark Lord?"

"A dwarf would not understand." said Thranduil with a smirk. "It will be quite simple." Ignoring Thorin's look or rage, he went back to partying. All of a sudden, a Jedi leapt out from behind a tree, and pointed a purple lightsaber at Thranduil's throat. "This party's over." he announced matter-of-factly, and attempted a majestic hair toss.

Thorin sighed. "Kili, stop trying to be majestic. You will never be able to attain my level of majesty."

Kili groaned dramatically. "Wasn't that just a bit majestic, uncle?"

Thorin ignored him. "Fili, come out, I know you're there."

Fili walked out from the trees. "Uncle! Don't hurry my majesty!"

"If there was any to hurry, I wouldn't!"

"Uncle, can we come on the quest?"

"What quest?"

"Well, you are going to try and conquer Pippin before this *elf* does, aren't you?"

"Why, of course!"

The three turned away with a majestic hair toss and headed for Mordor.


	6. Chapter 6

THIS IS EPIC, GUYS! I am absolutely stunned by the awesome reception to this story. 42 reviews for 5 chapters. Wowie. THANK YOU! An Happy Easter! :)

**NirCele: It was the will of Landru. :P ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I AM NOT FABULOUS?! *slays you* There, all better! Oops. *revives you* I need you to review!**

**freefornow: Why thank you, my minion.**

**Just a Reviewer: It was ten feet wide. Jk. I guess it would have to be a pretty big stewpot for Leggy to fall into, not wouldn't it? *hands you a mushroom* I am in a benevolent mood today.**

**Guest: Yes, it was! LOL that was another...fascinating review. XD Your name should totally be Lord of the Crazed Reviews! HAHAHA**

**Phillip Callaway: Depressing? Mwahaha. **

**Sixty-Four K: I know, that was unexpected, right? I literally just sat down and brainstormed that. I never know where it's going when I start writing. Lol.**

**Elektra Elentari: Thanks! Don't die, I need you to review! And here's your update! :)**

**Thalion Estel: Yes, I have been watching HISHE. Lol. XD MITHRIL! I love Party Thranduil. And Jedi Dwarves! XD**

* * *

In a few month's time, Merry had become an expert in all Pippin taught him. Pippin was quite pleased with his progress, and he had not once disobeyed or tried to escape. However, Pippin had noticed him continuously glancing at the Ring, but Merry had made no attempt to get it yet.

There was a sudden rap on the door. Pippin paused from the basket of mushrooms that had occupied his attention for the last fifteen minutes. "Come in." he shouted, annoyed.

Gothmog's warty face poked in the door. "There's three dwarves who demand to see you."

"Demand? I don't take demands. They can plead."

"Very well, my Lord, they plead to see you."

"What do they want?"

"They claim to bring mushrooms, but I do not see that they have any. I locked them up."

"Good." said Pippin. "I will go see them."

But when he arrived at the cells, he saw that the dwarves were gone. The bars had been cut, and the ends were melted. Pippin knew that they had been cut by lightsaber. Merry. He was the only one who could have done it. A dangerous look of intense rage flashed over his face. Merry would pay for this, yes, he would pay. Suddenly Merry ran up behind him. "They have escaped!" he announced.

"As you well know." snarled Pippin, turning on him. "I know you did it."

"They also have lightsabers." pointed out Merry. "I saw them slaying some orcs."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"Maybe it doesn't. But there are other lightsabers in Middle-Earth besides yours and mine."

"Whatever." growled Pippin. "Why didn't you stop them? They must not be allowed to escape."

"Escape is not their plan. I must face them, alone."

"You?" Pippin laughed. "Why should you face them, not me?"

"It is time I proved my training worthwhile, master. I will prove to you my training is complete by catching those traitors, alive."

"Very well." agreed Pippin. Merry left, fingering his lightsaber.

Vader entered. "Do not trust him." he advised in a low voice. "He will betray you."

"I had foreseen it." answered Pippin.

"Will you not and stop him, my master?"

"He will come to me."

"And if you fail, what then? What happens when Merry takes what is not his?"

"Have you ever known me to fail?" asked Pippin angrily. "If he betrays us he will die. But if he obeys me...I will give him such power as he has never known."

Merry, who was eavesdropping from a nearby hall, crept away, a conflict growing in his mind.

* * *

Side note: Guys, if you have not watched BOFA HISHE, you must. It is one of the funniest things EVER.


	7. Chapter 7

**NirCele: Yes, you are crazy. Gothmog? He lives in Barad-Dur.**

**Phillip Callaway: Yes, that definitely is a complement.**

**Peredhel: I'll take the mushrooms. MINE!**

**LOTCR: O_o o_O Now that was a review! I think that's the longest review I've ever gotten! Thx! *hands you a mushroom***

**Elektra Elentari: Thanks! :)**

**freefornow: I saw what you did with those yeses. Lol.**

**Sixty-Four K: Thanks! That Legolas song...*dies of laughter***

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Ikr. Lol. Thrandy's in this chapter! ;)**

**Thalion Estel: Thank you so much! :)**

**Guest: Thanks! :)**

**Just a Reviewer: *cruelly punishes the dwarves***

**#PipTheDarkLordOfAll**

* * *

Thorin, Fili and Kili were in hiding, discussing what should be done next. Thorin thought they should offer Pippin some mushrooms, and then attack him. Fili was of the opinion that they should find out if Merry was still alive, and Kili was debating between the two. They were silently discussing it when Merry, unknown to them, came within earshot. He froze when he heard the dwarven voices.

"I still think we should just trick him into letting us in there." stated Thorin majestically. "Then it would be three against one. Not a problem."

"Darth Vader is in there too." said Fili. "Also, we do not know where Merry is. He could have joined Pippin, although I doubt it."

Merry trembled. Fili did not know how near he was to the truth. He could not decide what he should do. Betray Gandalf and everything he had ever known? Or honour his word to Pippin and join him? The dwarves voices broke into his troubled thoughts.

"...but what if Merry has turned?" Kili was saying. "We must be very careful, especially if Pippin trained him."

Merry finally reached a decision. He leapt out from his hiding place, drawing his lightsaber in an instant and held it inches from Thorin's neck. "You are right, you should be more careful." he said a low voice. "Drop your weapons or he dies." Fili and Kili threw down their lightsabers with grunt of disgust. Pippin reached down and placed them in his belt, and then took Thorin's. "Get ahead of me and walk. One move of resistance and you all will die." The dwarves obeyed, grumbling angrily.

"Traitor!" shouted Thorin. "You are below all insults!"

Merry did not reply.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Meanwhile, Thranduil and his Party Elves were marching on Mordor. Thranduil had the good sense to bring a huge load of mushrooms to offer to Pippin as a fake token of friendship. Legolas had come along even though Thranduil was of the opinion that he did not have near enough fabulousness for such a mission. Thranduil passed the time dancing on his elk, while Legolas feebly tried to imitate him on horseback.

"Ada?" Legolas called.

Thranduil turned with a fabulous hair toss. ""Yes?"

"I believe I could dance far more fabulously if I had an elk to do it on."

Thranduil raised and eyebrow. "Do not speak to me of fabulousness. I know it's awesomeness and glory. But you really think so, come dance on my elk for a few minutes."

Legolas attempted a fabulous leap from his horse to his father's elk. He misjudged where to land, however, and crashed into Thranduil, knocking him to the ground. Legolas laughed and began a dance. Thranduil leapt to his feet. His son really was impossible. He strode to the elk's head and whispered a soft command into it's ear. The elk responded immediately, leaping into a run. Legolas struggling vainly to stay on, but he fell off and rolled up to his father's feet. Thranduil laughed and shouted to his elk to come back. The elk obeyed, and stood next to him, waiting for him to remount. Thranduil leapt up, and continued dancing.

"Legolas!" Thranduil shouted.

"What, Ada?" muttered Legolas, still rather angry over what had happened.

"Get out some kegs of Dorwinion! It's time to PAAAARRRRTTTYYY!"

Legolas rolled his eyes and left to get some. Thranduil practiced his fabulous hair tosses. In a few minutes, Legolas returned. "How are you going to conquer Pippin?" he asked, handing Thranduil his Dorwinion.

"One look at my Fabulousness and he will likely surrender." answered Thranduil confidently. "He will never be able to endure it!"

Legolas looked doubtful.

"DO YOU DOUBT MY FABULOUSNESS?! roared Thranduil fabulously. Legolas hesitated. "My fabulousness will conquer all Dark Lords!" Thranduil continued. "All shall see me and surrender!"

Legolas slowly nodded his head. "I'm sure he will surrender immediately."

* * *

Review or Thranduil will take over your home with his pure fabulousness.


	8. Chapter 8

**LOTCR: OH MY WORD LOLOLOLOLOL! Your reviews are officially awesome. I, Pip the Dark Lord of All have declared it. Thx for wasting your life on reviews...actually, not wasted time at all. They make my day. XD BUT DON'T REMIND ME OF THE DEATH OF THE PARTY ELK! *sobs***

**Just a Reviewer: Yes, the tales fall utterly short of my enormity, don't they. But don't get too cocky. DO YOU THINK FLATTERY WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE?! *grabs the mushroom you were trying to steal***

**Elektra Elentari: Thank you, my minion. It was fabulous, wasn't it?**

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Here is your update! And no, he never will be. **

**DufflepudKing: Aww but Thranduil is fabulous! **

**E. Peterson: Thanks so much for the reviews! *hands you a mushroom***

**freefornow: Ikr**

**Neril: Merry? You shall see, mwahaha. Darth Vader ran out of cookies, so he joined Pippin to get mushrooms! **

**Thalion Estel: Thanks! Here's the next fabulous chapter! **

**ccgaylord: Thank you! Yeah, Legolas definitely has some issues understanding his father's fabulousness.**

**FiliBalrogSlayer: Well, you reviewed, so Thrandy's not coming, mwahahaha! XD Hilarious review btw. Loved it. Do it again. *Jedi hand wave***

* * *

Merry led the three grumbling dwarves along the hall. He tested their lightsabers, swinging them around with a careless air.

"You really should consider joining Pippin." he finally suggested.

Thorin barely restrained the urge to attack him. "Never!"

Merry sighed. "You do not know the power of mushrooms!"

"You do not know the power of MAJESTY!" shouted Thorin, drawing himself up to his full height, and gave Merry a majestic death glare. Only NOW do you truly understand!"

Merry gasped, trying to keep a hold on himself. "Majesty... majestic...majesty ...so much...so ...so ...much... majesty..." He staggered, and held out a hand to the nearby wall to steady himself. Fili and Kili grinned knowingly. So few could handle their uncle's majesty.

Thorin continued to glare at Merry majestically. Merry swayed, then collapsed to the ground. Thorin smirked, taking back their lightsabers. "All too easy. Now, let's go! We must find the traitor!"

"But what about him?" asked Fili, glancing at Merry. "He is too dangerous to be allowed to live." Thorin considered it for a moment, then pulled Merry up by his arms. "I will take him with us. We may be able to find a place to dispose of him. Perhaps if we conquer Pippin he will turn back." With Merry in tow, they left to face Pippin.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Thranduil and his Party Elves arrived at the Barad-Dur after many long weeks of partying. Thranduil, mounted on his elk, rode up to the imposing tower.

"We bring gifts for the Dark Lord of All Mushrooms!" he shouted. "Come forth, so we may present them!"

Pippin's head emerged from a window above, his curly hair blowing in the wind. "What gifts do you bring? I have all that I need!"

"NOW!" hissed Thranduil to Legolas, who punched several buttons on a small remote. A disco ball appeared flashing behind Thranduil, who began a wildly fabulous dance. Party music played, and all the elves shot off fireworks and threw glittery confetti into the air. Legolas turned flips on his steed. Pippin raised an eyebrow, but kept calm. The party got wilder and wilder by the second, as kegs of Dorwinion where opened and the elves drank and sang.

"Ada!" whispered Legolas loudly after a few minutes.

A fabulous glance was his answer.

"It's not working!"

"It will, son!" Thranduil danced harder. Surly his fabulousness was getting overwhelming to such a frail being as that hobbit! Still, Pippin showed no sign of distress. In desperation, Thranduil began his most complicated dance moves. He danced on his elk's antlers, swinging long shiny ribbons about as he did so. The music got it louder...and Louder...and LOUDER! Still Pippin showed no sign. Legolas danced furiously, desperate to help overwhelm Pippin. Finally Thranduil realized it wasn't going to work. He made a sign to Legolas, who stopped the music.

Pippin gave a condescending look to Thranduil. "Is that your gift?"

"Well...actually, yes!" stammered Thranduil. He was still in shock. How had Pippin done it? Not even the wizards could gaze for long on his fabulousness and not at least get dizzy. Maybe Pippin was on to something here...

"Well, I don't think much of it." laughed Pippin. "Quite amusing, actually. Because of your fine entertainment I will allow you to work in my mushroom farm."

"Allow us...!" shouted Legolas. "You will do no such thing! We are returning from whence we came! You must let us go!"

Pippin waved his hand, showing them that they were surrounded by thousands of orcs. "How 'bout I let ya live?" he sneered.

"The hobbit knows how to negotiate." muttered Thranduil with a look of resignation. "Perhaps he is right..."

"ADA!" gasped Legolas. "He is a Dark Lord! You cannot trust him!"

"I hate stereotypes." answered Thranduil. "Perhaps he is not as evil as we think."

"But...!"

"Only a awesome person could withstand my Fabulousness for so long." mused Thranduil. "He must be awfully fabulous himself!" He turned and shouted up to Pippin. "Would you teach me the ways of ultimate Fabulousness, if I were to join you?"

Pippin thought about it, then answered. "You would first have to prove your loyalty. Then, I certainly would teach you the ways of ultimate Fabulousness."

Thranduil smiled. "I am with you, then!"

Legolas tugged at Thranduil's sleeve. "No, don't do it!"

"Don't do that!" growled Thranduil. "It is most unfabulous behaviour. How many decades does it take you to learn?"

Legolas gave up, and followed Thranduil and all the Party Elves into Barad-Dur.

* * *

#PipTheDarkLordOfAll


	9. Chapter 9

**Sixty-four K: You will soon know how Pippin did it! ;)**

**E. Peterson: Thranduil has joined me! Mwahahahaha!**

**LOTCR: O.O LOL yes, a small success in your pitiful life, my minion. I do believe that review was deserving of a mushroom. *hands you a mushroom* AND YOU CAN'T HAVE SHERLOCK! HE'S MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSSS! *hyperventilates and dies* Jk, because Dark Lords don't just die. **

**Elektra Elentari: I will post this chapter soon. Yes, did he? We shall see, my precioussss...**

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: No, no one can. Thx! It's so fabulous, I know!**

**Thalion Estel: There is much more fabulousness and majesty to come! Try not to faint during this chapter. ;)**

**Guest: Thanks for reviewing! Perhaps...I'm not telling. XD**

**Phillip Callaway: I'm destroying all your favourite characters? Yeah, ikr. XD Be glad Boromir isn't in this. Yet. :P**

**ccgaylord: I completely agree. :P**

**The Unknown One: Lol, I've gotten Morgoth on one of those quizzes too! ;D *tone changes* YOU DON'T LIKE MUSHROOMS?! GET THEE GONE AND TAKE THY DUE PLACE! No, wait, you need to review!**

I just realized that all is almost as long as the chapter. O.O

* * *

As Thranduil, Legolas and all the Party Elves made their way into Barad-Dur, Pippin thought over how well his brilliant plan had worked. He really was not as fabulous as Thranduil, no one was. But he had the ability to block overwhelming things like fabulousness and majesty with the Force. He laughed evily. Thranduil had been completely fooled.

Thranduil approached Pippin. "I believe you promised to teach me the ways of Ultimate Fabulousness?" he asked coolly. He was a quite annoyed, for admitting he was not the most fabulous being in Middle-Earth was not something he had ever thought to do.

Pippin smirked at him. Legolas thought he looked just like his father when Dain was threatening his at the Battle of the Five Armies. "You will have to prove your loyalty first." he said.

At that instant, Thorin entered the room. Pippin spun around to face him, a furious look on his face. "How did you escape?" he asked soft, creepy voice.

Thorin did not answer. Tossing the unconscious Merry behind him, he simply drew himself up, and looked as majestic as possible. Kili began sobbing. The amount of majesty was simply amazing. He knew he would never gain the majestic essence of his uncle. Pippin simply gazed at him, unperturbed. Thranduil was the one smirking now. Thorin glared at him, and tried to look even more majestic. Pippin sighed with boredom and summoned Thranduil to his side.

"Capture them." he whispered.

"With pleasure." answered Thranduil fabulously, and drawing his twin blades, leapt at Thorin. Fili stole the swords with the Force, and was about to kill Thranduil, when he stopped dead in his tracks. "So... much... FABULOUSNESS!" Fili gasped, and fell over. Thorin rolled his eyes majestically. Thranduil and Thorin stared at each other in a kind of trance. Pippin watched with great interest. They glared harder, and began swaying on their feet.

"Majesty...!" gasped Thranduil. "So... much... Majesty!"

"Fabulousness...!" gasped Thorin. "I can't..."

Finally, muttering incoherently, they slid to the floor unconscious. Pippin began laughing uncontrollably. Legolas was overcome with surprise. His father had never collapsed before, much less because of a dwarf! He would never let him live it down. Legolas snickered. Kili glared, trying to look majestic. Suddenly a lightsaber appeared at his throat.

"Lay down your weapons." snarled an unfriendly voice.


	10. Chapter 10

**LOTCR: Sherlock is mine. Mine! But you can borrow him once in a while, I suppose. You should be honored.**

**#UnderTheStarryNightSky: #idontknow #whywhereyou #PipTheDarkLordOfAll**

**The Unknown One: Of course I have Majesty and Swag! I am the definition of both. **

**Akia Calene: You just read How Pippin Took over the World, and epic tale of my swag. Thx for reviewing btw.**

**ccgaylord: I am so so inspired, I know. So brilliant. You will never know! Mwahahahaha!**

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: I will let you all know...it's not T**riel, the unnamed elf who does not exist.**

**Neril: Thanks for reviewing and welcome to the insanity!**

**Elektra Elentari: I am fabulousness itself. ^_^**

**Sixty-Four K: Its not Merry! Mwahaha.**

**Phillip Callaway: Are you still hyperventilating? Lol.**

**Thalion Estel: Thanks! :D More of that mysterious person...**

* * *

Everyone in the room spun towards the sound of the voice. "Drop your weapons or he dies!" it repeated, and Legolas let his bow and knives fall to the floor with a glare of contempt. Everyone else in the room except Pippin was unconscious, and the hooded figure silently disarmed them and turned to Pippin.

"Well done." breathed Pippin, condescending to hand him a mushroom. "Take the dwarves and throw them into my finest dungeon. You will personally guard them with Darth Vader. Leave Thranduil and Legolas here."

"What of Merry, my Lord?" hissed the newcomer, his eyes glinting under the darkness of his hood as he surveyed the chaotic scene.

"Leave him here. Take the others away."

"Yes, my master." He bowed gravely and took Thorin away. Pippin grabbed Merry, untied him with the Force, and waved his hand.

"You will wake up now."

Merry's eyes fluttered open. "I will wake up now."

Pippin rolled his eyes. "What happened? A most impressive capture of the dwarves, I must say."

Merry thought desperately. "I had them!" he complained. "I was leading them to you, when..." he faltered.

"Well..?" Pippin prodded impatiently.

"Thorin did something...something...he overwhelmed me with majesty! It was not my fault! I tried to bring them to you!"

"Try?" snarled Pippin. "Do, or do not. There is no try."

"I know, my master." moaned Merry. "Give me another chance! Give me another mission to prove my worth!"

"You cannot prove what is not there." observed Pippin helpfully.

"But it is there!" sobbed Merry. "It just needs time...some time to show. Please, my Lord." Merry knelt in front of Pippin. "I would never betray you!"

Legolas was watching the proceedings with horror. He hoped his father would not stoop this low just for Ultimate Fabulousness.

Pippin glared at Merry. "You have failed me for the last time. And now, young Jedi...you will die." With an evil cackle, Pippin shot Force lightning at Merry. But Merry threw up his hand and deflected it.

"You cannot kill me!" shouted Merry. "You taught me yourself, I know all you know of the ways of the Force!"

"Apparently not." laughed Pippin. "You do not even know how to repel Majesty and Fabulousness."

Legolas started. Repel Fabulousness with the Force? So that was how it had happened! Pippin was not more fabulous than his father after all. He had thought that impossible, and he had been right. Now how where they to get out if this mess? Pippin was laughing as he increased the intensity of the Force lightning.

Suddenly the hooded one returned. "My Lord!" he cried.

Pippin paused for a moment, leaving Merry gasping from the effort of protecting himself. "Yes?"

"Are you going to kill that one?"

"Probably." Pippin shrugged. "He failed me. That is deserving of death."

"But he could be useful in our plans. He is very powerful. I believe you should give him another mission."

"But what can he do?" sighed Pippin. "He is weak! You all are! Everyone else is as insects compared to me!"

"This is true, yet your loyal insects try to serve you." murmured the unknown one. "You could make him your Mushroom-Overseer again, since that seems to be all he is capable of."

"True." agreed Pippin. "You hear that, Merry? Will you be my Mushroom-Overseer, or will I be forced to kill you?"

"I will watch your Mushrooms, my Lord!" said Merry in a shaking voice.

"Coward." spat Pippin. "Get thee gone and take thy due place." Merry crept away.

"I must leave and guard the prisoners, my Lord." said the hooded figure with a bow, and quietly turned to leave the room. But in a flash Legolas jumped in front of him and tore his hood off. With a cry of rage, he grabbed Legolas by the throat and threw him to the ground. But Legolas did not care. It had been well worth it. He gazed in terrified astonishment at this most unexpected of faces.

* * *

Whoever submits the 100th review will get...

*dramatic silence*

A MUSHROOM!


	11. Chapter 11

**So sorry I haven't updated for like an age of this world. *eats a mushroom* well, I am now. ;D So, read on, my minions.**

* * *

**Thalion Estel: You will know who is is momentarily... thanks for the review!**

**Elektra Elentari: The unknown person is... not telling! **

**LOTCR: *slays you* Watch the Star Wars prequels! They're not as terrible as a lot of people think. Revenge of the Sith is awesomeness. YOU STOLE MY MUSHROOMS, HUH?! DEEEAAAATTTHHHH! *dramatic charge in slow motion* oh and btw there is an explanation for the Force. But I'm not going to tell you. Mwahahahaha. well, I suppose I will spare your life since you spent a large chunk of it writing that hilarious story. XD**

**Neril: So sorry this took so long. I was frying mushrooms.**

**ElvenPrincessOfNarnia- Kate: Lol I was too when I wrote it.**

**Phillip Callaway: *snickers evily***

**Sixty-four K: *hands you TWO mushrooms* One is for the one hundredth review, and the other is for reviewing LOTB while my data was out. :D **

**Fan of JRRT: The face is... *dramatic silence***

**Guest: Who indeed? **

**ccgaylord: You are about to know...**

**Avatar Pip Took: I am going to change that. Awesome idea. **

**RandomReader738916: You will know shortly... and yeah, I'm so funny, right? *pats self on back***

**FlyAwayFree: Mushrooms? You bring mushrooms? *devours them all***

* * *

Legolas gasped once again in utter astonishment. It was Boromir! The former Gondorian pulled his hood back up angrily. Legolas grabbed his arm.

"You are supposed to be dead!" he stuttered. "How...?!"

"The orcs revived me, and I grew strong on their mushrooms." Boromir answered. "These mushrooms are much tastier than the ones we fry in Gondor. Simply irresistible." Boromir sighed in contentment. "Only then did I see how wrong we were, how wrong I was. One does not simply live without the finest mushrooms available."

"Uh, yes you do. You totally do." Legolas countered. "I have for centuries."

Boromir ignored him. "Have you even tried one of these mushrooms?" he inquired, holding out some.

Legolas glared at him. "Ego, mibo orch!" _(go kiss an orc)_

Boromir smiled. "Why, certanly!" he laughed, and kissed the nearest orc on the cheek. It growled with annoyance, but did not move.

Legolas made a disgusted sound. "Boromir, why didn't you just kiss Lurtz, and saved yourself the pain of near death?"

Boromir did not bother to answer. "Now will you try some of these tasty, fine, oh-so-delicious absolutely scrumptious mushrooms?

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Whatever, give me one, if it will make you shut up." He bit into the juicy mushroom. It was the best thing he had ever tasted. He needed more! Now!

"Give me another!" he shouted.

Boromir laughed evily. "First you must join with the Mighty Dark Lord Pippin."

Legolas didn't even really notice Boromir's words. All he could think about was that mushroom, and the overwheming tastiness was making it impossible for him to think straight. He tried desperately to clear his mind, but all he could think of was mushrooms. He sank his head into his hands.

Pippin had been watching the whole scene with mild amusment. Lazily, he twiched his hand at Legolas. "You care about nothing but obtaining more of Pippin's mushrooms." he muttered.

Legolas raised his head, and a mindless grin slowly grew on his face. He turned eagarly to Boromir, and knelt at his feet with ridicoulsy eager look on his face. Pippin was vaguely reminded of a dog he used to own who used to beg him for treats every few minutes. Legolas spoke in a grave voice. "I care for nothing exept obtaining more mushrooms, oh wise one. How can I ever thank you for this?"

"It is not me you must thank." said Boromir. "Thank him." He pointed to Pippin.

Legolas spun around and sank at Pippin's feet. "Let me serve you, oh wisest of hobbits! Please, let me have another mushroom!"

Pippin was unimpressed. "Where is that dwarven friend of yours?"

Legolas turned his tear-stained face at Pippin. "You mean Gimli?"

Pippin sighed with impatience. "Of course I mean Gimli, you slow witted elfling! Yiu else would I be referring to?!"

The "slow-witted elfling" whimped with fear. "Do not be angry with me, Oh Master of All Mushrooms! You must understand, our small wits are no match for yours. We only wish to serve your magnificence!"

"In that case, you will find Gimli and turn him to serve me." Pippin snarled, kicking the cowering elf away from him in digust. "Do not fail. If you do, you will never taste mushrooms again."

"Oh, do not speak of such horrors!" murmered Legolas. "I live only to serve you, and I will obey your command!"

Pippin turned to Boromir. "Where is your brother?"

"He's going to attempt to turn the dwarves." Boromir answered. "He has made them a chicken pie with mushrooms in it. Once they have tasted the mushrooms, they will be yours, unless they have some unknown way of walking away from mushrooms."

Pippin glared. "There is no 'unknown way' of walking away from the power of mushrooms." he said with absolute confidence. "I have a new mission for you. Faramir can guard the prisoners."

"Your will is my command." Boromir bowed gravely.

"You will turn Radagast and Gandalf to me. Radagast should not be difficult, as he alreasy loves mushrooms. Gandalf may be harder to turn, but I am sure you are up to this task."

"Of course, my Lord." Boromir bowed and left. As he walked out of Barad-dur, he caught a glimpse of Merry. He was staring at the ground with a depressed look on his face. As Boromir watched, he drew his lightsaber, slowly and thoughtfully twirling it around. Boromir stalked up to him.

"What exactly do you think you are doing? Why don't you watch the Mushroom-Orcs properly? Look at them! They are eating your Lord's Mushrooms!"

Merry gave the orcs an careless glance. "Why does it matter? Who cares about mushrooms anyways?"

Boromir started in surprise. "You speak words of high treason!"

Merry laughed. "High treason to who?"

"You know Who!" snarled Boromir. "He will not forgive you this time! Twice now I have saved your life, and you act like a fool!"

Merry shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever."

"Whatever!?" shouted Boromir. "How could you be so changed in so little time? Wait - WAIT! There must be a Jedi about!" He spun away from Merry, drawing his lightsaber. "Where are you? Show yourself!"

A figure hidden in the nearby shadows soundlessly waved his hand. Boromir sighed, and sheathed his lightsaber. "Mushrooms are worthless." he muttered, and lay down for a nap. The cloaked figure stole into Barad-Dur.

* * *

Review or... *pulls out lightsaber*


	12. Chapter 12

**FlyAwayFree: You send mushrooms? *snatches them am and devours them* You're welcome.**

**Under the Starry Night Sky: You forgot to review? KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG! DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Sixty four K: Thank you for that profound analysis of my brilliant tale.*bows dramatically***

**Guest: Yeah me too lol**

**LOTCR: BAHAHA YES I DO DO THAT TO YOUR DEAREST LEGGY!**

**AvatarPipTook: You will find out... but not in this chapter.**

**Just a Reviewer: You got the HP reference! *hands you a mushroom* Wait a minute... PIPPY? *glare* *takes back mushroom and eats it***

**Elektra Elentari: ORLY? *casually slays you with both hands tied behind my back***

**Neril: Somehow I don't think this update qualifies for soon...**

**Queen Amarillis Kay: LOL nice story. MUSHROOM ICE CREAM? NEED. NEED. NEED. *hyperventilates***

**Thalion Estel: Thanks again for reviewing! You may have *half* a mushroom.**

**OOOHHHHH MUSHROOMS! *steals all the creepy green ones and dumps them down my friend's shirts* you voted on my poll? Have a mushroom. *hands you a creepy green one fried***

**TerribleSplendor: Lol, no he's not.**

**Aria Bruer: Thanks! And for that story you wrote for me, you may also have a mushroom. *hands you a mushroom***

_**Whoa so many reviews! O.O Oh and btw this chapter is really short, and creepily... weird. I wrote it at 3:41am, so... yeah this is how my brain thinks then... you have been warned...**_

* * *

Faramir strolled up to the dwarves' prison cell, casually holding the chicken pie in his hand. The three dwarves glared at him, and Faramir was especially careful not to look Thorin in the eye, to avoid being overwhelmed with majesty.

"Don't even bother, I won't eat that!" snarled Fili angstily. "We're not that gullible!"

Faramir sighed with obvious melodramaticism. "Oh good grief! It's your dinner! Take it or leave it!" He shoved the food between the bars.

Thorin condescended to give the food a majestic glance. Faramir could have sworn he saw the pie quiver from the pure majestic presence in the cell.

"Well, you can eat it if you like. I have better things to do with my time." Faramir lied smoothly. "Starve if you like. I honestly don't care." He shrugged carelessly and stalked creepily to creep out another prisoner with his creepy creepo presence.

"I'm hungry, I think we should just eat it!" whined Kili dramatically. "If only Tauriel were here... she'd find a way to help us..."

Thorin slapped Kili across the face. "Don't mention that Spawn of Mary-Sues, that T**riel creature around me EVER again! You were supposed to die defending me, not some creepo who doesn't even exist!"

Kili looked scared. "I was supposed to die? Thorin, are you okay? I am quite alive, I assure you."

"Unfortunately." Thorin muttered under his breath. He looked up. "Ah, just my majestic foresight into the-past-that-could-have-been." Thorin reassured him. "It would have been... BUT MITHRIL ALWAYS SAVES THE DAY!" Thorin did a majestic dance around the cell. The other two rolled their eyes.

"Anyways..." Fili was staring at the pie. "Are we going to eat that or not?"

Thorin looked around, and glared at the other two.

Kili leapt to his feet with a dramatic shout. "I will not hide, behind a wall of stone, while others eat our chicken pies for us! It is not in my taste buds, Thorin." He gave Thorin a angsty glare.

Thorin approached the pie in dramatic slow motion. "I have no right to ask this of any of you." he murmured in his most-super-majestic-voice-ever. "Will you eat with me, one last time?"

The three nodded their agreement, and stuffed the pie into their mouths...

* * *

Now is that fanfic writing talent or what? XD Review or...

KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG KIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH!


	13. Chapter 13

**I am in a great hurry to write chapters for my other stories, so no review replies this chapter. Complain and I will take all of your donuts! MWAHAHAHA!**

* * *

Faramir crept into Pippin's mushroom room and bowed gravely.

Pippin grunted, speech meant he would have to pause his mushroom-eating.

"The dwarves have been turned to the Mushroom Side, my master." Faramir announced. "Also Thranduil and all his elves have eaten my mushroom pie, and fallen to their power."

Pippin cackled softly. "None can withstand the power of the Mushroom Side." he said creepily. "Not even-"

Suddenly the door burst open and the mysterious Jedi leapt in. He threw back his hood and faced Pippin fearlessly.

Pippin eyed him with obvious scorn. "Why, now. What are you doing here, Elrond? Surely you anti-mushroomers are getting bored with this silly game?"

Elrond's face turned red with anger. "This is no game. Come, fight me, if you dare!"

Pippin casually dismounted his throne, and drew a lightsaber. He leapt at Elrond, and the two battled. Pippin soon gained the upper hand, however, and Elrond was fighting for his life. Finally Pippin cut his hand off, and began shooting him with force lightning. Elrond screamed with pain, and writhed on the floor. Faramir smiled, this was great entertainment.

Pippin motioned Faramir over and whispered something into his ear. Faramir smiled and nodded, then walked over to the defeated elf Lord and dropped a mushroom in to his gasping mouth. At the same moment, Pippin stopped the force lightning.

Elrond gasped, and swallowed the mushroom. He sat up shaking, and bowed to Pippin, who ignored him and went back to his throne. Really, this was getting dull. None could oppose him, and nothing stood between him and total domination.

Within fifteen minutes, Elrond was busy using mind tricks to turn everyone back to the Mushroom Side.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Gandalf sighed with annoyance. None of his deep, well thought out plans were working. Pippin seemed to be invincible, and there was nothing he could do to stop him. He had just sent a Elrond in to confront Pippin, but he had little doubt that he would fail. A suicide mission was all it was.

Suddenly Gandalf heard someone approaching his camp. He stood up and looked around warily. A golden-haired elf emerged from the woods and greeted him.

"Mae govannen, Glorfindel." Gandalf said. "What brings you here?"

Glorfindel furrowed his brows. "The times are dark, and we must come up with a solution."

"Everything I have tried has failed." Gandalf said hopelessly. "The power of Pippin will never be undone, it seems."

"You are forgetting someone." Glorfindel said. "There is one who could lead Pippin to ruin, one who knows his only weakness."

Gandalf looked surprised. "And that is..."

Glorfindel grinned convincingly. "Myself, master wizard."

* * *

REVIEW OR I WILL TAKE ALL OF YOUR MUSHROOMS! MWAHAHAHAHHAAA!


	14. Chapter 14

**First of all, my minions, I have an important announcement. There are strong references in this chapter to NirCele's story, Glorfindel Goes Hug-Wild Crazy. I earnestly recommend you read that story before reading this. You don't have to, but you will understand Glorfindel's actions better. **

**Review replies:**

**NirCele: Yes, it is. *hand you a fragment of a mushroom* You didn't kill Faramir, btw. He's still working for me. Ha.**

**Neril: We shall see if Glorfindel can conquer me...**

**Sixty-Four K: *takes all your donuts and mushrooms anyway* Review this chapter, and maybe I'll give them back. *starts eating them***

**Purplish Magee: Here it is! Mwhahaa.**

**Thalion Estel: Thank you, your reviews are great. *considers giving you a mushroom***

**Guest: I did. ;)**

**ccgaylord: We shall see, my precioussss, oh yes, we shall see...**

**Mell0n: You cannot be turned with mushrooms? Well then, I suppose I'll just have to... *slays you***

**LOTCR: *steals all your mushrooms and eats them**slays you for mentioning Mary-Sues***

* * *

Merry watched the mushroom farming with evil happiness. He had worked hard, and was now only second to Thranduil, Elrond and Thorin. And obviously, Pippin. But he planned to raise himself even higher in the ranks of his master. He had made too many mistakes in the past, and he just needed some great deed to do - something to do that would forgive his misdeeds in Pippin's eyes, if that was indeed possible.

With a sigh, he turned his back on the hard-working orcs. But then out of the corner of his eye, he spotted one pop a prime mushroom into its mouth. Merry spun around and grabbed the unlucky thing by the throat.

"So you would steal your master's mushrooms?" Merry snarled angrily. "Well, we'll see about that!"

"But it was only one..." whimpered the random orc.

"You rebel scum." Merry snarled with no hint of forgiveness in his voice. "One mushroom, eaten without permission, is deserving of death. You are condemned to life in the Mushroom-Breader."

The Mushroom-Breader was a terrible mushroom-breading machine, where all the disobedient and rebellious orcs were sent to serve. Most died terribly, most accidentally falling in and getting fried with the mushrooms.

The random orc snarled and leapt at Merry, smashing several mushrooms in the process. Merry decapitated him in an instant, with his face hard as stone.

He stalked away to tell Pippin his accomplishment.

* * *

Pippin sighed in contentment, and munched casually on his famous crispy oh-so-scrumptious mushrooms. At last he was alone, and his witless minions would not annoy him for a while, hopefully. Maybe they would never come back. He really hoped for that, for the very existence of such inferior beings irritated him terribly.

Just as he was finishing his first basket of mushrooms, however, the door swung open with a creepy screech. Pippin leapt to his feet, instantly ready for epic combat, if necessary. He rather hoped it was not ANOTHER Jedi, they were getting quite boring to defeat. A cloaked figure leapt in, and before Pippin could say anything, he threw back his hood, revealing shiny, fabulous golden hair.

Pippin stared. Somehow, this elf looked familiar, maybe he had seen him somewhere on his travels...? "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" asked Pippin in a bored voice. "Surely you are not trying to conquer me? I will spare your life, begone, you... you Jedi loser!"

But instead of getting insulted, the elf stood up straight and tall in defiance and grinned happily, to Pippin's extreme annoyance.

"Who are you?" Pippin roared in fury.

"I am Glorfindel, the Sadness-Slayer! Everybody loves meeeee!" screamed the Elf, and before Pippin could move, he embraced him in a gigantic hug, squeezing him so tightly that the Dark Lord could hardly breathe.

Pippin gasped in horror, and his face went bleh.

Glorfindel hugged him tighter and grinned goofily.

Pippin began trembling violently, and his eyes rolled back in his head as he went limp in Glorfindel's arms.

Glorfindel giggled and tightened his grip.

Pippin puked all over the elf lord's beautiful golden hair, and started twitching.

The Sadness-Slayer ruffled the hobbit's curly hair.

Pippin shuddered and went completely still.

Glorfindel chucked Pippin's body onto the floor. He withdrew slowly, laughing softly to himself. It had worked, and far easier than he had suspected. Pippin could not take hugs any better than he had ever been able to. The Sadness-Slayer sighed dramatically, thinking angsty thoughts about Middle-Earth's sad lack of huggers. At least Pippin had finally been defeated. The reign of mushrooms was over.

* * *

This is so tragic. :( Review I will SLAY Glorfindel.


	15. Chapter 15

**Another important announcement...this chapter contains references to NirCele's other story, Erestor Goes Punch-Wild Crazy. **

**Aria Breuer: You're right, this doesn't want to end. XD *hands you a mushroom***

**Shadowfax: Why, thank you. *devours mushroom***

**ejrossman02: Lol, that would be amusing. But, I have a different idea...**

**Purplish Magee: You are about to read about Glorfy's fate, mwahaha. **

**LOTCR: LOL *slays Glorfindel just because***

**Targethitter: Thx! *hands you a mushroom***

**Sixty-Four K: That was the 150th review? Well... *hands you two mushrooms* YES YOU GOT THE STAR WARS QUOTE!**

**NirCele: I really love how a ton of people thought that was the end. XD I have a much better ending than that. **

**Neril: I am rather disappointed in my reviewers, they are all concerned about Glorfin****del, not me... *glares***

**Thalion Estel: YES YOU GOT THE QUOTE TOO! *hands you a mushroom* Obviously, that was not the end...**

* * *

Pippin lay unmoving on the floor. Glorfindel knew he had to escape from the Dark Land of Mushrooms before he was discovered, for he would surely meet a terrible fate if he was found with Pippin's body. After sprinkling some pink glitter on the fallen Dark Lord, he turned to leave.

But at that instant, Merry burst into the room and the two smashed into each other. Merry took one look at the scene, and stared at Glorfindel with a look of horror.

Glorfindel opened his arms for a huge hug and ran at Merry. Faster than sight Merry flicked his arm and Glorfindel flew across the room, hitting the wall and falling to the floor. Merry rushed over to Pippin without a second thought. Pippin could not be dead. It could not have happened. Glorfindel would face his wrath...

Pippin gasped softly and shuddered.

"Pippin!" cried Merry. "You're alive! Wake up!" He slapped Pippin's face, but he got no response. What should he do? What had Glorfindel done to Pippin? If he had hugged him, as Glorfindel was famous for, he knew the only cure...

Merry punched Pippin in the face as hard as he could.

Pippin groaned, but stayed unconscious. Merry thought desperately for an idea. Maybe Pippin was too far gone, or perhaps he had not administered the cure properly.

Suddenly Elrond entered the room. "What has happened?" he shouted, and ran over to Pippin. "You traitor! You did this!" he drew his lightsaber and pointed it at Merry.

"No!" screamed Merry. "He did it! Glorfindel hugged him and I don't know how to cure him! I tried punching him but it's not working! I don't know what to do, he cannot die!"

Elrond looked at Pippin with a critical eye. "There is only one hope for him." the former elf lord pronounced. "He must be punched by Erestor, only he has the skill to cure Glorfindel's victims."

Merry looked hopeful. "Where is he?"

"He has been Pippin's advisor for quite a while now." said Elrond. "I will go and fetch him."

A few minutes later, Erestor burst in with Elrond trailing behind. He rushed over to Pippin, and pulling him up by his royal collar, punched him with full force in the face.

Pippin jerked, and woke up. He glared at Erestor. "How dare you punch me in the face?" he shouted, wiping up some of the blood running down his chin. "You disloyal..."

Merry grabbed Pippin's arm and shook him. "Erestor just saved your life! Glorfindel hugged you and you almost died!"

Pippin looked unimpressed. "Oh!" he said, and tossed Erestor a basket of mushrooms. "Good job, I promote you to my chief advisor. Have some mushrooms, it's always good to see an elf who doesn't just hug people."

"Hey!" Elrond interrupted. "I haven't hugged anyone for years!"

"Good, good." said Pippin creepily. "Your journey to the Dark Side is almost complete."

"Is mine complete yet?" asked Erestor angstily.

"Yes, it is." Pippin answered. "You have served me well."

"What about me?" asked Merry.

Pippin scowled. "You? What did you do?"

"I got Glorfindel off of you! He was hugging you when I came in!"

Pippin looked pleased, for once. "Well done, you are promoted to my third in command. Erestor is second, for he saved me. I shall train him in the ways of the Sith."

Erestor thought this was a great plan. He had alway loved dressing in black anyways. He smiled darkly. Glorfindel would be horrified.

Suddenly Glorfindel awoke. He leapt to his feet and ran at them, waving his arms above his head. Erestor jumped in front of everyone else and prepared for battle.

"You are all traumatized!" screamed Glorfindel. "You need hugs and happiness!"

"You're the traumatized one." muttered Erestor, and slammed the palm of his hand upwards into Glorfindel's fabulous nose.

Glorfindel shrieked and fell to the floor, pink glitter flying everywhere.

Erestor dusted off his hands and turned away.

Suddenly Glorfindel raised his head. "Erestor!" he cried.

"Yes?" said Erestor grudgingly.

"I am sorry for all the trama I have caused Middle-Earth."

Erestor did the O_O face. "What?"

"I see the errors of my ways. I have needlessly hugged and traumatized beings all over Middle-Earth, and I now see that punching is the true way of life. Forgive me, I did not see it." Glorfindel sniffed and wiped blood from his broken nose.

Erestor punched the repentant Sadness-Slayer in the face again. "Well, since you are repentant of your foul deeds, I am sure Pippin will take you into his service."

Pippin condescended to glance at him. "Very well, you can start as a mushroom picker."

Glorfindel bowed hastily. "Thank you, my Lord Pip." He turned and immediately got to work.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Since Glorfindel been the last hope of Middle-Earth, it did not take long for the Dark kingdom of mushrooms to devour the rest of the land with its power. In a year's time Pippin was the absolute and supreme authority over all the lands of Middle-Earth.

The End.

* * *

Was that epic or what? I have a small epilogue I may add... should I, or do you think this is the perfect ending? Review, or I will Glorfindel-hug you, which will be your death.


	16. Chapter 16

Epilogue

* * *

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding!

Just kidding just kidding!

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding!

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding!

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

Just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding just kidding.

JUST KIDDING!

* * *

:P You can blame NirCele for this one.

I may actually write a sequel, but I need plot material. I can't think of anything.


End file.
